Next Steps

At the end of May, a friend of mine who knew my struggles, gave me a small jar of coconut oil that had been infused with cannabis.  My initial experiments surrounded food, as I was told this would be a good "edible" option for me.  What I discovered initially is that in addition to the SMELL of cannabis, I also hate the TASTE.  Why is it so gross???????  Every now and then, I could maybe tolerate the full on taste of it, but in trying to see if I could get longer-term relief, I knew I needed to find a way to consume it so that I didn't have to taste it.  That's when my friend and I thought, "Veggie capsules!"  I took 1/2 tsp of the oil (I had previously been trying 1/4 tsp in my food and wasn't getting any relief), melted it, then put it into some veggie capsules.  I wasn't really expecting anything to happen.  Honestly, I have tried so many different medications and courses of treatment, I didn't think it would be any different.

Within 15 minutes of taking the capsules, I suddenly felt this odd sensation starting at the bottom of my neck and spread its way up through my head.  Suddenly, everything from the neck up was numb and for the first time in years I was completely pain free.  Three hours later, I was STILL pain free.  I felt good enough to go ahead and get out - so the family and I went to see a movie (Poms if you must know).  Leaving the house was perhaps a mistake, but it afforded me an opportunity to really put into play all of the knowledge that had been swimming around in my head-but I managed to keep my head, talk myself down and eventually inhaled nearly all of my 13 year old daughter's Milk Duds.  I had a clearer head by the time the movie ended and we made it home without incident.  Thankfully, it hasn't been like that again, though I do still crave Milk Duds...

I had done a LOT of research on cannabis last summer, as we were heading to Colorado and I wanted to see if it might be an option.  While there, I tried only edibles, because I'm not a smoker and don't really want to be.  Most of them had no effect at all on my pain.  HOWEVER, as someone who experiences a high volume of anxiety, I was NOT anxious.  I was very relaxed the entire trip, and it wasn't just because I was in a beautiful mountain town on vacation.  Still wanting to experiment with managing my pain, I had 30mg of edibles.  10mg is a serving size suggestion to start with.  10 and 20 didn't touch my pain.  The first time I took 30, a couple of hours later, I was sitting on the couch watching a movie, and then suddenly thought "I HAVE to go lay down.  I cannot be trusted to stay sitting here."  Honestly I felt so strange - I had never experienced that kind of weird out-of-body experience before (and really haven't since).  But as I was laying there watching the room spin, I had a thought.  "I don't hurt.  At. All."  Two other times during our trip I took 30mg via edibles.  Neither time gave me any pain relief, and I also did not ever get that "high" again - but it did soften the anxiety enough for me to enjoy the rest of the trip.

I am an avid law follower.  I don't like to do anything that is illegal.  So during the month of June, while I was experimenting with the coconut oil my friend gave me, my anxiety was doubled.  What if I get caught?  What if I go to jail?  Paranoia ran rampant that entire month (except for the week I was in Mexico and didn't have access to it anyway).  In July, they began accepting applications in the state of Missouri for medical marijuana patients.  I had known the legalization was coming - who in the state didn't?  And I had already been considering becoming a patient so that I could try to see if I could dial in on a strain or dose or consumption method that would be exactly what I needed to get my life back.

So like anyone else in Missouri (prior to teledocs doing certification), I shelled out the ridiculous price you have to pay because nearly every doctor is terrified of what cannabis could do (which is really just chill us all the hell down!).  My pain management flat out said I have to choose.  Percocet or cannabis.  They weren't opposed to me using cannabis.  But with the legalization, they changed their policies and now they will NOT treat you if you are a medical marijuana patient.  When confronted with that in June, I told pain management that I wanted to stay with them for the time being so he wrote me two month of RXs and sent me on my way.  In the meantime, I got my card, and because I knew dispensaries wouldn't realistically have good access to medicine before spring of next year, I also paid to cultivate my own. 

Here I am now, with everything (I hope!) needed to set up my grow space.  I don't have a ton of space in my current house, so I am only going to be able to start out with just a couple plants, but I am getting excited at the prospect of doing this.  My background with gardening is as follows:

• Weeding flower beds as a teenager
• Weeding and picking strawberries as a teenager
• Trying one time to grow tomatoes and jalapenos.  Managed to get one good jalapeno off of the plant then gave up - primarily because I hate outside and heat and sitting on the ground, and any number of other outside/uncomfortable things. 

So, am I a bit worried about trying to grow something living?  Absolutely.  Have I managed to keep 4 kids and a dog alive for the better half of my life?  Just barely, and only because their father has been amazing - it can't be easy to be married to someone like me whose life revolves around pain, Fibromyalgia, depression, and anxiety.  Somewhere in there though, I make him laugh, and that seems to be enough. ;-)  

It will be an exciting adventure!  Next steps:  set up grow room and germinate the seeds, whatever that means.